Love has a funny way of doing things
by Hasselhoff
Summary: In Progress... Abby leaves Carter and comes back when he finds out about her secret.
1. New things, New Life, New found Happines

~Love~ Has ~ A ~ Funny ~ Way ~ Of ~ Doing ~ Things~  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the ER characters, only the people I make up.   
  
Please read and review! Thanks!  
  
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Chapter 1  
  
I guess where it all began, was at the coffee shop that day, where he asked me, no wait forced me to be his sponsor. It's not that I minded being his sponsor, I think it was that I cared too much, about him and what happens to him, to be a good level headed sponsor. I mixed up my duties with my feeling and the same went for him. We grew close, like best friends, I trusted him more then the boyfriend I had at the time, maybe that was the problem I couldn't trust boyfriends. The day we started to date I guess was the day when everything before, had ended and we started a new journey, one of love, false truths, hate, lies, secrets, and pain. Everything was okay at first until, my brother showed up. By no means was any of this his fault, the thing was Carter wanted to be superman, he wanted to be the one who saves the day. I was the damsel in distress and he was the hero who picked all the pieces up and put them back together again. That was working okay for us until it came time for our roles to be reversed. I wasn't strong enough to be the hero and he wasn't weak enough to be the damsel, so we slowly disinigrated. We had a few conversations here and there, and then eventually he was in Africa being the superhero for others like he had once been for me. When he came back I was furious with him, and I believe to this day it was that anger that drove him back to Africa and me with a letter explaining in not so many words that it would not have worked between us. Not that I didn't see this coming, I kept telling him to run, so I had to have known eventually he would run. The worst part came when I found I was pregnant. I mean it was good, but at the time it was bad. I was trying to prove I could be my own superhero, I could save myself, and now I had to be a hero to someone else too. I couldn't have an abortion and I couldn't give it up for adoption, but I could keep the baby. Give it the life it needs. So I decided to do exactly that. Not in Chicago though, not with all those memories, and not with him there, so I took myself, to Minneapolis, to live with my mother and Eric and it was there that I found out I would not only be having one baby, but three, triplets.   
  
Now Five years later, I am sitting in my living room with three beautiful children, and a Christmas movie, wondering if I made the right choice for myself and them. 2 boys and a girl. The oldest being my baby girl, Jordan, the strong, independent, sarcastic one of the three. She has brown hair just like her father and I, and his deep brown eyes. She is tiny like me though and has a laugh that when you hear it, you immediately smile. The next was my rug rat, that is what I call my middle child, my funny man, Jared. He can make anyone laugh and he is always wearing a big bright smile. He has brown hair, with dark, dark brown eyes and a soft face, he has very attractive features. People look at him and tell me that he will have girls all over him when he is older. I believe it. He was born with his fathers charm. The last is my other son, the sensitive one of the three, very caring and loving towards everyone he meets. Dustin. He has short blonde hair and the only one with gorgeous green eyes. I look at Dustin sometimes and wonder where he came from. They are very sweet kids. I worry about them sometimes, especially when they ask about there father. I always wonder if I did the right thing taking them away from Chicago and John. The sad thing is John doesn't even know he has kids. I know he would love them that is just the type of man he is. Maggie and Eric think I should tell him. Eric says maybe our lives would have been different if our father was around. Maybe he's right. I hear a small yawn and I look down on my lap to see Jordan falling asleep. I nudge her gently. "Jordy, you want to go to bed now." Jordan sleepily rubs her eyes before shaking her head no. I nod at her and smile. I look over at Jared whose sprawled out over the big chair, and then at Dustin who is lying across the floor.   
  
I wish their father could see them now. He would be proud of them and the way they are turning out. But it was my choice for him to be kept away from them. I often wonder if I kept them away from John because I was afraid for them or afraid of him rejecting me. They usually ask me if he loves them. I never know what to say Some nights I lay in bed thinking I should tell him. Then it occurs to me I don't even know where he is. He could still be working at county or maybe not. I know Jordan wants to meet her daddy. She tells me often about how she would be his little girl and together they would go to the park, or out for lunch. I miss John more then he would ever know. I wish it could work out, but I have a new job out here. I decided to go to med school, and I would be matching as a resident in a few weeks. I have dated a little bit since moving out here but not a lot. Suddenly the credits roll and the movie is over, its time to whip back into mom mode and get these kids to bed. I look down to see Jordan already sleeping so I scoop her up in my arms and take her to her bedroom, which is clad in pink and dolls. I gently lay her in bed, and close the door on my way out making my way down the stairs, to take the two boys up to bed. Jared is dozing off in the chair while Dustin has disappeared. I pick Jared up and take him to the room he and Dustin share. I make my way by all the dinosaurs and cars laying recklessly on the floor and plop Jared into bed. 'night mom.' the tiny voice said as I pulled his covers up around him. I cover the little boy in blankets, kiss him on the forehead and go in search of my other son.   
  
I take the stairs that lead to the kitchen and see, Dustin sitting on the counter with his hand in the cereal box and a glass of milk beside him. "Dustin, what are you doing." I say smiling at him.  
  
"I got hungry." Dustin said between handfuls. I jump up on the counter next to him and dig my hand into the box of cereal. "Mommy, can I make a Christmas present for our daddy. I'm sure he would like it." Dustin asked Carelessly.  
  
"Why don't you make one for Uncle Eric. Maybe you could make something for your dad another time." I offer. Dustin smiled and nodded in approval. "Do we have a dad?" I looked a Dustin.  
  
"Dustin I told you, you have a daddy and his name is..."  
  
"I know, I know John carter, the same last name as me and the same middle name as me." I smiled, I knew I had to name at least one of the boys after Carter, I knew that was the least I could do, So I opted to give them all middle names that meant something to Carter, Jared was, Jared Eric Robert, Jordan was Jordan Millicent Megan, and Dustin was Dustin John. That way at least they had a taste of where they came from.   
  
"Mommy, where is Daddy then?" Dustin asked, usually they started to ask questions when they would go to their friends houses and see them with their dads. The kids would want to know why their father wasn't waiting at home for them. Dustin and Jared had been to their friend Mike's today and Michael's family was very family oriented. The kids would often here Maggie telling stories about our Christmases when our father was with us, and that would get the kids going about there dad. "Chicago." Dustin sighed and then continued with his questions.  
  
"What's his job?"   
  
"Doctor, Baby."   
  
"Like you?"   
  
"yes, like me."  
  
Dustin yawned, so I grabbed the cereal box from him and put it in the cupboard.   
  
"Hey Dustin, lets get you to bed okay?"  
  
Dustin yawned then slowly made his way up stairs to go to bed.   
  
I followed to tuck him in, and on the way up watching my little six year old stagger up the stairs I decided I would do it, I would call and get county's number, I couldn't remember it for the life of me, and I would call or at least try.   
  
I closed the door to Dustin's room after he was asleep and grabbed the phone off the kitchen counter and started dialling the operator. I decided to not try for the Carter family house because god knows what was up with that. After getting the number I scribbled it down on a piece of paper and decided since tomorrow was Saturday I had all day to procrastinate and eventually call.   
  
John Carters  
  
Phone Number-  
  
1-515- 555- 6874  
  
I got up from the table and decided to go up to bed.   
  
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	2. Finding more

Authors Note: Okay this chapter is pretty short... sorry the next one will be longer I promise!!!   
  
I really hope you like it and please Read and Review becuase thats what keeps me going.   
  
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Chapter 2  
  
"Mommy, Mommy, Wake up." I looked up to see Jordan hovering over me with a huge grin on her face. "It's morning mommy." I looked at her and yawned.   
  
"Jordy, go downstairs and get the cereal and the bowls I put out on the table and turn the TV on, and go watch cartoons with your brothers.  
  
Jordan frowned and then huffed out of the room. I knew my kids they always wanted me up as soon as they were, but I needed to at least sleep until 7:30 on the weekends. It was the only time I ever got to sleep past 6:30!  
  
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"Look, numbers." Jared pointed out, on the paper.   
  
"What does it say Jordy, your the good reader." Dustin bugged me. I looked over at the paper. and sounded it out. I knew the name because it's Dustin's Middle name and all of our last names.  
  
"John, its says, John Carter, and then numbers, that must be his phone number."   
  
"Whose that?" Jared asked while shoving a handful of corn pops into his mouth.  
  
"Daddy!" Dustin said excitedly.   
  
"Your right. It's Daddy, Dustin. Let's call him." Jared and Dustin looked at me and then shrugged that it was a good idea. "Dustin get the phone your good at climbing." I instructed, and as usual he did what I told him too. I was the ring leader and they were my dummies, mommy says its not nice to say that though, so she says we should call our selves the three musketeers.  
  
"Mommy, might get mad if we call." Jared whined.   
  
"No, she loves Daddy she always say she does." Dustin brought the phone over to me. "Someone read the numbers out to me." I instructed.   
  
"Do you know how to do this?" Dustin bugged me. Of course I knew I had called my friend Sara all the time all you had to do was call and ask for the person.   
  
"yes." I said, as Jared began to read the numbers out to me. The phone started to ring and suddenly, butterflies swarmed my stomach. "Hello." A grumpy old man answered. "Hi can I speak to John Carter." The man huffed a bit.  
  
"Who is this?" The mean man was starting to scare me, and make me wish I hadn't called at all.   
  
"Jordy." I said quietly.   
  
"Okay, one minute Jordy let me get him for you." Then I could hear the man talking to people. "Carter, there's some kid on the phone for you."  
  
"A kid, what kid?" The man I'm assuming is my dad said back.   
  
"How the hell am I suppose to know, all I know is her name is Jordy. She sounds about 5."   
  
"Oh, now your going for the real young ones huh Carter." I could her a women say and then a few men and women laugh in the background. "He's a Doctor." Dustin whispered at me while I waited. "Hello John Carter speaking." I smiled then nodded at my brothers. They got excited.   
  
"Hi." Was all I could say.  
  
"Who is this?" The man asked suspiciously.   
  
"Jordan." I said like he had known me his whole life.  
  
"Jordan who," I laughed. Prompting Jared to grab the phone from me.  
  
"Hi." Jared said to the man.  
  
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	3. Quick Fix

Chapter 3  
  
"Who is this?" John Carter said.   
  
"Jared."  
  
"I thought this was Jordan."  
  
"No that's my sister, she got shy." I said popping another corn pop into my mouth.  
  
"well Jared if this isn't important I have to go because I have work to do"  
  
"Don't you know who I am?" I said kind of upset that my Dad didn't care about me.  
  
"No. No I don't." He said, I could tell I was starting to bug him, cause that's the same voice mom got when we bugged her.  
  
"Well I'm Logan Eric Robert Carter." I said introducing myself hoping that, he might know me by my full name.   
  
"Wait a second do I know you?" He asked seeming a bit more interested.   
  
"You should I'm your mine and Jordy daddy." All I could hear was silence on the other line.  
  
"Mommy, says Jordy and I look exactly like you. well she says we have different noses but she says I look like you and Jordy looks a little like you but she's determined like you."  
  
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I started to get worried when I didn't hear my kids laughing downstairs, usually they were laughing because of the cartoons or because one of them released bodily noises. I decided to head downstairs and check it out.   
  
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I couldn't believe this I wake up this morning and everything is normal and all the sudden I have 2 kids. "Carter, we need, you now." Weaver yelled at me.  
  
"Not now Kerry. I'm on the phone." I said as calm as possible.  
  
"Yes now John."   
  
"Hi Jared, whose your mommy?" I said ignoring Kerry.  
  
"Abby, wait, I think her last name is different then mine, cause she never married daddy, I mean you." I took a deep breath.   
  
"Carter, Kerry's going to freak." Susan said walking by me.  
  
"Can you cover Susan I think I have kids." Susan gave me a weird look and then went to cover for me.   
  
"Wait here she is she's walking down the stairs." I heard Jared saying.  
  
As Susan walked back over. "Carter you have kids?" She asked Suspiciously.   
  
"Yeah a Jared and a Jordan, boy and Girl, with Abby." Susan gave me a look of disbelief. "I know." I said.  
  
"You have twins?" She asked then leaned up against the counter next to me.   
  
I nodded. "Jared hold on I'm just going to switch phones" I said as Susan and I quickly walked into the lounge, as I hit the speaker phone. "Jared you there?" "Yeah I'm here."   
  
"Jared, Baby, who are you on the phone with? You've barley been up 10 minutes." Susan and Looked up at each other knowing that voice. "Daddy." Jordan said. Susan and I knew that this was not going to be good. "Daddy, you mean uncle Eric, right Jordy." I heard silence and then Jared piped up.  
  
"No we mean Daddy, the number's right here." I heard the phone being grabbed from Jared. "Why don't you guys go watch Cartoons in the other room, why I talk on the phone okay."  
  
"Tell dad, that if he wants he can stay in my room for Christmas." Jordan said. Susan and I smiled at each other thinking that was pretty cute. "John" Abby said weakly.  
  
"I have kids!" I said angrily picking up the phone leaving Susan in the dark about the rest of the phone call. "yes."  
  
"Abby, you kept a secret as big as kids from me." I was yelling now.  
  
"John, calm down okay, I can't make this up to you what do you want me to do."  
  
"I want you to bring them to Chicago for the holidays. I want to meet them, I want to be there father."   
  
"Okay." She said simply. I was quite taken a back with this.   
  
"We'll come to Chicago."  
  
"Okay, when can you come."  
  
"I have 2 weeks off work, starting today."  
  
"Catch the flight out tomorrow I'll book it and you guys can stay with me."   
  
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	4. Nerves

Authors Note: Okay so this is the 4th Chapter. I know its short, I'll probably post the 5th tomorrow, I don't have too many chapters written so I'll have to get cracking at that I have 2 stories on the go, so it oculd take some time to finish writing.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
I shifted in my seat about three hundred times through out the flight. I was nervous about the kids meeting there father. I hadn't gotten the chance to say really anything about them before Carter had hung up and continued with his job before I could get into the tiniest details about them. It seems Weaver is still there and screaming. I took the kids hands and walked of the plane carrying our bags in the buggies with Jared and Dustin sitting on top of the bags and Jordan walking next to me. We walked outside and waited when a limo pulled up suddenly I got very nervous when out stepped, the driver. "Miss Lockhart?" I nodded.  
  
"DR. Carter could not make it he had to cover at work for an hour, I was instructed to take you and the twins to the hospital."  
  
"Triplets." I corrected.  
  
"Pardon?" the driver said politely.   
  
"I have triplets."  
  
"Oh- I'm sorry, Dr. Carter only mentioned twins. Jared and Jordan." I nodded.  
  
I rubbed Dustin's head and then introduced him. "This is Dustin." The man nodded at Dustin, as Dustin stood on the bags so I could hold him. The driver packed the bags into the car and then the kids and I got into the back and anxiously awaited our doom. I straightened the kids clothing and hair out of nerves. I combed Jordan's curls and then put her hair up in a pony tail, while straightening out her blue jeans and unzipping her coat to make sure her new red osh kosh shirt wasn't dirty. I then moved onto Jared and patted down his short brown hair, I fixed his blue jeans and made sure his grey sweater was also clean. Dustin's hair was sticking up and made him look adorable so I kept it that way, but brushed off his blue jeans and took off his coat so I could put a black zip up sweater on over his blue t-shirt.   
  
I could tell we were getting closer to the hospital and the kids were quiet with nerves. "Oh Miss, there is juice and soda in the back seat, Dr. Carter said they may want something to drink. I looked at the kids who were all pretty sleepy from the flight and decided that I wouldn't offer them pop because it could wreck the peace. "No thank you." I said back. We pulled up to the hospital and the kids and I got out and quickly fought our way through the cold Chicago winter into the hospital. The doors opened for us, and the kids looked up at me, waiting for me to say or do something but this time I felt just as lost as they did. I took the kids and we sat down in the waiting room chairs, waiting for Carter. "Mommy, I'm scared" Jordan said looking up at me. "Don't be" I said feigning a smile. I started to undo her jacket, so she would not be hot, I told Jared who was sitting on my lap to do the same and Dustin who was sitting on the other side of me to do the same. "Oh my God Abby." I heard a voice say. I looked up to see Susan standing over us.  
  
"Hey" I said placing Jared in my seat to give her a hug.   
  
"Oh my god, are these the twins," She said pointing at Jared and Jordan, she must have thought Dustin belonged to the man sitting next to us. "Triplets." I corrected pointing out Dustin. "Carter never said anything about triplets." Susan said puzzled "I am beginning to believe he only knows about Jared and Jordan." I said quietly. "This is Dustin" I said pointing to the sleeping boy on the chair. Jared laughed at his sleeping brother. "That must be Jared." Jared nodded.   
  
"How about you guys come into the lounge." Susan said to the kids as we followed her. I picked Dustin up and brought him into the lounge, laying him down on the couch. I looked at him for a second noticing that he was a little flushed, assuming it was from the cold. "Dustin, you feeling okay?" Dustin slowly opened his eyes, looking up at me, licking his lips then nodding. "Can I have my hat?" He asked coolly. I looked at him amused, not sure why he would want his hat. "Uh- sure honey, why do you want your hat?" I asked as I walked over to the back pack and pulled out his black snow hat and placed it over his blond mop of hair. "My ears are cold, and it makes me look cool. I want Dr. Carter to think I'm cool." I rub, his arm, "Hey he will." I said as I joined Susan, and the other 2 rascals at the table. "Mommy, I'm thirsty." I looked over at Jordan and she nodded that she also was thirsty. "Okay I'll take you to get something from the cafeteria, do mind watching Dustin, while he sleeps?" I asked Susan, she nodded as she marked things down on the chart. 


	5. Lost and found

Authors Note- WOW! It has been a while since I updated or even wrote this fic. I had people asking me when I was going to update so I decided I would update it for them. I won't be updating this fic a lot because I have one on the go that I am doing by myself and a joint one between myself and Abby Lockhart2. When I am not writing for those fics, doing homework, playing hockey or out I will do my best to get this fic updated, because I do enjoy writing it although I am a little stuck for ideas. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and everyone who read. I hope you like the update. I'm sure some people might have to reread the other four chapters to remember what the story is about but here is your fifth chapter...  
  
~*~*~   
  
"Mommy." I can't see her anywhere, why would she just leave me like that? "MOMMY?" I scream a little louder just incase she is hiding on me like Jared does sometimes. I can't find her. Maybe she is behind the door. I want my mommy. I will go check behind the door, she has to be there somewhere. I push as hard as I can and the door swings open, a few people look at me and I don't know what to do. I run away as fast as I can down the big hallway people are looking at me, but I can't help it. I start to cry and my face gets really hot. I just want my mommy. I need her so bad. Why would she leave me all alone? She never has before. I hope a scary person doesn't take me. Or a monster, what if a monster is going to take me. I feel a hand on my sweater pulling me up I scream louder, and louder. I can feel my throat burning from my screeching. The man tries to calm me down, but I don't want him to hurt me. "Hey, hey." He sits me down on the big desk where we came in. He takes my hat off my head, and I sniffle a little. "What's your name little guy." I don't answer I don't know who he is and mommy says never talk to strangers. He looks at me smiling. He talks funny. He has a white coat on just like mom wears, he is probably a doctor. Doctors help people they don't hurt people. "I'm Luka." He tells me. "What's your name?" He smiles at me.   
  
"Dustin." I whisper, I hope he heard me I don't want to say it again. I wonder if he knows where mommy, Jared and Jordy are, I miss them a lot. "Are you a patient?" I don't think I am but mommy said I was feeling hot. He puts his hand on my head and says the same thing mommy said already. "You've got a fever you must have left your bed." He lifts me up and brings me too a bed, I lie down and look at the man. "Hey Carter." He says to another man. The other man walks over to them and I can tell they are talking. I know it is about me too. I hope they aren't aliens pretending to be people. Mommy says there is no such thing as aliens but I don't believe her. The aliens walk over to me and look at me. "He's not my patient." The Carter alien answers. The other funny talking one looks at me and rubs my head. "I already have 10 patients, can you take him?" The Funny voice asks. The man yawns and then nods his head yes. I look up at him, and he smiles down at me. I hope my mommy knows where I am. "Hi, can you tell me your name?" He asks.  
  
"Dustin."   
  
"I like the name Dustin." I smile a little.   
  
"Can you say Aw for my Dustin?"  
  
"Aw." I say, he wipes a tear from my face and then sticks things in my ears.   
  
"I think you are okay, you have a fever. You probably only have a bit of a bug, nothing big."   
  
"Like an ant?" I ask.   
  
"No, a sick bug." He laughs. I laugh too I don't know why but I do. "Do you know where your mommy is Dustin?" He says leaning me forward.   
  
"No, I was sleeping and she was gone." I start to cry a little bit. He grabs me a Kleenex and wipes my eyes and face. "Do you know your mommy's name maybe we can page her."   
  
"Yes, her name is Abby. I forget the last part." I cry harder and he picks me up into his arms carrying me back over to the desk.   
  
"DUSTIN!" I hear the lady I met earlier say to me. "There you are, I left for one second to speak to a patient and you were gone." She says walking up to me and the alien. "You know this little guy?" The alien asks. The lady suddenly looks weird, I think she is nervous or scared or something. "Carter." She is whispering now so I have to listen hard to hear her. "That's Dustin," The man doesn't seem to know what she is talking about. "You don't have twins carter you have triplets and he is one of them." 


	6. Meeting up

Authors Note- Honestly I have no clue where this is going right now lol. I don't think its going to be very long, maybe ten chapters. If you have any ideas as to where this story could go, you can add it in your review or email me- which you can find by click on my name. I'd love to hear your opinons! Anyways,here you go please read and review!  
  
Dustin? Triplets? I look at the little guy in my arms. His blond hair sticking up, tears stained his face. His eyes bloodshot from all the tears. "Dustin, do you know where your mommy is?" I ask nervously. He shakes his head no, and leans his head down on my shoulder. I rub his head and then walk towards the ladies washroom, deciding the other kids probably had to go so she took them. I walk by the washroom, I wait outside for a second Dustin yawns he's probably had a long day. I can hear giggling, and then I hear Abby's familiar voice coming from down the hall. I walk slowly to where I hear the noise and there stands in front of me, Abby and two young kids. Dustin turns his head and sees them, his little face lights up! "MOMMY!" He screams, practically leaping out of my arms towards his mother, "Dustin!" She says leaning down to pick him up. "What are you doing out here?" She says kissing him. The other two look up at him. "He got lost again didn't he?" The little girl, who I am assuming Jordan says. "Jordy!" Abby says firmly. None of them seem to have noticed me, so I figure it is probably best to disappear unnoticed and make an appearance at another time. But I can't move, I just can't believe how beautiful my children are. All three of them. Jared, Jordan and Dustin. I smile to myself... "That man brought me back mommy!" Dustin says pointing at me, my smile slowly fades as does Abby's. I now have four faces staring at me intently. "Hey." She says quietly.   
  
"Hi," I say not moving.   
  
"How have you been?"   
  
"Not too bad, a little shocked. You?" I ask.  
  
"Good." She moves toward me, the three kids watching us. "You want to meet them?" She asks when she gets closer to me. I nod my head. I walk with her towards them. "This is my friend John Carter." Jordan looks up at me, crinkling her nose. "Your our dad right?" I nod, a little hesitant.   
  
She walks towards me and scans me from head to toe. "Do you have any other kids?"   
  
"No." At least I don't think so.   
  
"Oh-" She says smiling. "I always wanted a daddy." I lean down and shake her little hand. Abby smiles.   
  
"You guys- want to go back to my place?" I ask Abby standing up.   
  
"Yeah sure." She answers. She leans down and picks up Dustin and Jordan latches onto her hand. "Do you mind holding his hand I'm afraid he might wander off." She asks. She seems a little nervous about asking this. "Uh- yeah." I lean down and grab Jared's he hesitates a little before taking it, then walks along with me. "How old are you?" He calls up to me.  
  
"How old are you?" I ask back. He laughs a little.   
  
"I'm five." I nod at him. Abby heads towards the EL its pretty packs. I lean down and pick Jordan up. Abby looks over and smiles at me. This whole situation is a little weird, my feelings for Abby have faded, well I thought they had, now I'm standing here with her and my three, well our three children waiting for an EL train. We are going back to the mansion, with all these kids. This will definitely be the most exciting Christmas! 


	7. Reality

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Authors Note- Wow, I haven't wrote anything for this story in a while... And I am not sure anyone will remember it. But I have a bit of an idea as to where I want to take it. Thanks to everyone who has waited for it.

Summary- Abby left Carter when she was pregnant. He didn't know she was pregnant. She had triplets, who are now five. The triplets managed to get a hold of Carter and now they are all staying with Carter for Christmas.

She sits in silence, complete and utter silence. She has barely said a word since she put the triplets to bed. I'm not sure what I expected. For things to go back to the way they were, maybe. For the bond that we shared, the one we had an equal part in wrecking, to suddenly reappear. For those years we lost to have no impact on what happens here and now. I know it can't be like that. Life is just not like that. I just don't want this.

She stays seated on the couch, staring aimlessly at the muted television. Her fingers play with the hem of her shirt, trying in her own way to dissipate the tension. Standing up I watch her for a second. Captivated for just a second. Remembering how I felt about her all those years ago... Things have changed. _She_ has changed. She looks up quickly, catching my eyes on her. I try to feign innocence, but I'm not quick enough on the up take.

"Uh- I was going to get some coffee... You want some?" She shakes her head yes, a fake smile on her lips.

I didn't expect everything to be this... hard? I should have. I should have known that my kids wouldn't take to me right away. They are children, not animals. They don't have a sniff of your crotch, a lick of your hand and suddenly decide that, 'hey, yah that guys good...' Not how it works. I just wish it wasn't like this. I wish I didn't have to put on this show for my kids... Try to gain their trust. It's something every parent does. But at birth. Your kids know they can trust you cause you have been there all along. Wiped their tear stained cheeks, bandaged their cuts. Kissed them when they are sad. Tickling them when they are happy... They didn't get that with me. I didn't get the chance to give them that.

I flick the coffee maker on, leaning against the counter, watching it for a few moments. Lost in my thought, when I feel a small tug on my pant leg. Looking down slowly I see a shy face staring up at me, kneeling down I smile at the tiny body.

"Hi." I whisper.

"Hi." Her little fists reach up and tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. It falls out in front and she drops her hand down to her side frustrated. I reach over and push it behind her ear for her. "Where's my mommy?"

"She was just in the other room watching television." She looks over her shoulder, my eyes follow hers. No luck. She's not in there. Her bottom lip starts to tremble a bit, at the thought of being in a strange house and not being able to find her mother.

"She's not there. Did she leave?" A look of panic and worry suddenly cross her face. I laugh a little bit grabbing her hand as she swivels around turning her back to me. I grasp her hand and mine and swing her back to facing me.

"She probably went to the washroom, Jordan." She looks at me, tears in her eyes, threatening to fall. "Did you have a bad dream?"

She nods her head. Well I've never dealt with bad dreams and kids before, I don't really remember what my parents did with me when I had bad dreams. Send a nanny in? Probably. A maid even if they were desperate enough. "Come here." I lift her into my arms, her arms clasp around my neck, holding onto me loosely. "Let's go find her, okay?" She nods her head, still a little afraid of me.

Walking out in the living room we both hear the toilet flush, Jordy sighs in relief. The door creeps open and out walks Abby, she sees us standing there, and immediately becomes confused. "Hey, what's going on?" She says look at us.

"Mommy." Jordan jumps out of my arms, and into her mothers out stretched arms. Abby scoops her daughter up, placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Jordy, what are you doing up?" She says walking her back towards the bedroom. I watch... completely out of the equation. I was replaced that quickly. She saw her mother and it was as though I was never there. I never comforted her. I didn't help her find her mother. Realizing that this could be the way it will always be, I sit down on the couch.

What happens when they leave? They aren't going to stay in Chicago, they will eventually go back, and I am left here... All alone. Seeing my kids on a few weekends, and maybe a week or two during the summer. That is not what I want. When I dream of having kids, that wasn't what I thought. That wasn't how it was _suppose_ to be. I was suppose to be married in a house, with a white picket fence. Hell the fence didn't even have to be white. It could be one of those extremely tall fence, to prevent animals from jumping over. My kids were suppose to feel safe around me. This isn't it. I guess life never turns out quite how you want it too.

"Hey... She just had a bad dream." Abby says smiling. She plops down next to me on the couch, sighing defeated.

"Tired?" I ask somewhat numbly. I watch as she leans her head against the back of the couch, her eyes closed. The woman I once loved, is turning into the woman who I now resent. The one who is causing me this pain. She nods her head yes.

"It's hard raising three kids... Especially all by myself." Her voice becomes softer, quieter, her eyes slowly opening. She doesn't see sympathy on my face, like she may from anyone else.

"You made that decision five years ago." I spit bitterly. I stand up, walking out to grab the coffee, from my wailing machine. I feel her on my heels, following me out into the kitchen. Grabbing two cups I slam them onto the counter, and pour the coffee in them.

"It seemed like the only option at the time." I scoff at her lame attempt to justify her behaviour. It wasn't the only option. Talking to me. That was her option. That _should _have been her only option.

"You could have talked to me." I holler, she looks a little startled at first but prepared to fight back.

"Yeah? How the hell was I suppose to get a hold of you, Carter? You were in Africa. Do you remember that? Do you remember taking off, leaving me for Africa?" I shake my head, I made a few mistakes with her. It's not like she was the innocent one. She made just as many mistakes. We hurt each other equally. I will not be put to blame for everything that went on in the relationship.

"I'm sorry, Abby. Okay? Are you happy? I'm sorry that I left you. I'm sorry I knocked you up, then left you. I'm sorry that my grandmother died. I'm sorry that your brother did a face dive into her grave. I'm sorry I came second to your family. I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I couldn't save you from yourself..."

"Oh please. I didn't need saving. I needed someone who would accept me for who, and what I am, and was. You couldn't do that. We both made mistakes-" I stop her before she can finish.

"And you made the biggest one." My voice lowers. "You kept my kids from me, Abby. You took them away from their father. You weren't only hurting me, you were hurting them. How am I suppose to get them to trust me, the way they trust you? To love me the way they love you? To look at me the way they look at you?" I shake my head, unshed tears burning my eyes. "It's simple. I can't. You are perfect. You can do no wrong. They see the way you look at me. The way you feel about me. The anger you still hold against me. They mimic it. My own daughter was afraid to go with me for two seconds... She was afraid of me. I could see it in her eyes." I shake my head, turning around, and dumping the bitter liquid down the sink.

Her hand falls onto my back, I shrug her off. I don't want comfort. I don't want anything from her. Unless she can turn back time, she is no use to me right now. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well, a lot of good that does me." I toss the mug into the sink, turning my back on it, and walking out of the kitchen. I listen as it shatters against the wall, and falls into the sink. I walk out to the couch, falling onto it lazily. I hear her in the kitchen, picking up the pieces of the cup, and throwing them into the garbage.

Just like our relationship, this problem seems unfixable.


	8. Awkwardness

**_Authors Note- Hopefully the next chapter will go into a bit more of something, I am not sure whta at the moment... But maybe I will come up with something. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed._**

The angry glare of Carter's Grandmother stares at me, as I lay in bed. Shooting me dirty looks for the grave. I pull the comforter tighter around me, protection from this creepy old house. No wonder no one has bought this house. I'm guessing the for sale sign has been on the front lawn... could that thing even be classified as lawn? A football field seems more appropriate. Hell it looks more like seventeen football fields. He told me briefly, before he exploded at me, that he wanted to sell it, or donate it to a charity. Since no one was biting, I'm assuming he'll probably go for the latter.

I can't really blame him for earlier. But I do. I can't help it, I feel anger towards him. We ended our relationship with unsolved issues, now they have followed us, where ever we went. Which might be okay for some break ups, but not when there are kids involved. I know the anger I feel towards him is reflected in my actions, and I know right now, my kids are trying to accept him. How are they suppose to do that if I can't? Simple. They won't. Especially Jared and Dustin. They feel safe with me, they haven't learnt whose trust worthy and whose not, yet. They look to me for guidance on that still, as does Jordan she's just a little more independent. Either way what I'm doing here is not good for my kids, my family... _His_ family, now.

Blowing a lock of hair out of my eyes, I get out of the bed, listening as it creaks against the hard wood. Each piece of wood seems to rattle with the bed. Eerie. I pull myself to a near by window. It's so deserted, not like where I use to live. People littered the streets until the early morning some days. Here it's so protected... So sheltered. Trees lining the fence... it would actually be considered a gate, I would think. I'm not sure how he turned out the way he did. Given how he was raised. Such strict family values. I don't even want to know what his grandmother would say if she could see us now... Well him. A family, three kids with me. I don't think that would be considered acceptable. She didn't like me. I'm not sure why. Maybe he told her more about our relationship, but I doubt it. Or hell maybe she just has a really good reading of women for her grandson. Knowing who is going to bring him up, and who is going to tear him down. Just like I did.

I can't believe I let things get so screwed up... With him... With us... With his kids. I did wreck whatever relationship he could of had with him. I am to blame for everything they hold against him in the future and now. Yet they will go through life blaming him. For not being there when they were little, for leaving... Even though he didn't, its how things appear.

The old house is quiet. Dead quiet. I can't remember where anything is, there must be about a billion rooms in this place, and I can't figure out which one is... There it is. I slowly open the door, and look in the dimly lit room. A night light in the corner being the sole provider of light. I creep in a little more, and perch on the end of Dustin's bed, watching as his chest rises and falls. When I first had them this is what I would do, every night I would come into their rooms and just watch them. Make sure they were real, that they were okay... And they were... They're perfect.

"Abby?" I look over my shoulder, a little shocked. I laugh a bit at Carter's dishevelled appearance. His hair standing up on ends on one side of his head, the other side matted down from the pillow. He moves closer towards me, sitting on Jordan's bed, which is parallel to Dustin's.

"They're beautiful." He sighs, running his fingers through Jordan's unruly curls. She doesn't move a muscle. I nod in agreement, yeah they are. Even more so when they are like this, quiet, peaceful, innocent. During the day they can be little hellions. Of course, they're my little hellions.

"Listen-" I start, he looks up at me, our eyes lock, the dark haze hangs over us, providing a sanctuary, that I enjoy. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I ever did to you... Everything I didn't do too... I made some mistakes-"

"I don't really want to talk about this." He cuts me off, diverting his gaze back to his sleeping daughter.

"Okay. But I shouldn't have kept them from you." I sigh defeated. It was a mistake I made. A mistake I regret making, it was one I felt I had to make at the time.

"No you shouldn't have." Standing up he makes his way over to Jared's bed. He lays in a ball, curled up by the wall. Carter tucks the blankets closer around his chin, sighing contently.

"How come there is no Christmas tree?" Dustin asks walking into the kitchen. I look over at Carter who is drying off some dishes and piling them into their cupboards.

"Because this isn't where I usually live." He answers looking down at the expectant green eyes.

"Oh." Dustin looks momentarily confused, not sure where to go from there. "Can we go to your house then... Where you usually live. Cause I don't like it here." He responds nonchalantly, walking over the fridge and rummaging through it. I drop my wash cloth and pull him away from the fridge.

"Hey, Hey... Dinner is soon you little monster, go watch television with your brother and sister." I sigh pushing him towards the living room, but he doesn't leave.

"I don't want too." He shuffles over to Carter pulling on his pant leg. John looks down at him confused until Dustin offers out his arms, Carter lifts him up placing him on the counter. The continues with his dish drying. I sigh frustrated, at least this is better than the awkward silences that hung in the air when it was just Carter and I.

"Why aren't you married?" Dustin pries, staring at Carter, his big green eyes watching his every movement.

"Dustin." I warn.

"No, no it's okay." Great. My kids are going to quiz John about his love life. For some reason I don't think we should be answering these questions just yet.

"I haven't found anyone I want to marry." He answers truthfully.

"Oh. Well you should marry mom then." He nods.

"Dustin." I hiss... Carter laughs ignoring me and looking at Dustin. "Why is that, Dustin?" He asks.

"Well, because you have three kids together. People who have kids get married... It's the way it goes. Even _I _know that." Carter chuckles, knowing full well that that is not the way life works, but five year olds may not have the same understanding.

"Well, kiddo... It doesn't work that way exactly." Dustin looks defeated shaking his head annoyed. "But I can tell you one thing, we have chocolate cake for dessert." Dustin's jaw drop wide open and he smiles brightly.

We finish cleaning the kitchen up from lunch. We neglected doing the dishes and opted for taking the kids to the park instead. So now we are left with piles of dishes and having to make dinner. Dinner is made quite painlessly, while the kids finish up their Christmas movie. The meal goes by with few questions. Having the kids around is easier for us to pretend the argument we had last night never happened.... Well it's easier for me. Carter seems as though he will never forgive me. Forgive me for taking his children... That is about the only thing I am sorry for... There are a few things in our relationship I wish could have been done differently, but you can't change the past. We finish cleaning the dinner dishes while talking to the kids, who still seem about hesitant with accepting Carter. Maybe with the exception of Dustin who seems to act differently around him each time he sees him.

I gather Jordan in my arms and bring her into the bedroom, while Carter coaxes the boys into brushing their teeth.

"Mommy," she yawns tiredly. "Why do you hate Dr. Carter?" I give her a kiss on the nose, tucking the covers around her, proceeding to take a seat on the bed.

"I don't _hate_ him." I sigh, "we are friends, you know that." She nods, her big brown eyes bearing into my soul. She sees that there is something between her father and I that is not right.

"No you're not. You don't want to be around him. He doesn't like you either." She watches my reaction... "Is that because of us?" Her voice softens, tears welling up in her eyes.

"No sweetie. God no." I sigh, pulling her into my arms. "Nothing, you hear me, nothing going on between your dad and I is because of you? Okay... He loves you... I love you. I made a mistake, I should have let your daddy meet you when you were babies..." I trail off thinking that maybe this a conversation for another time... in oh twenty years or so.

"Why didn't you then?" I look at her puzzled for a second before slowly understanding what she is asking. I was scared. I was angry. I hated him. I thought I could do it on my own. I thought it would be easier. None of those answers are appropriate for a five year old to hear about a man she is trying to trust. So I go for the soothe her hair down, and a kiss on the forehead routine.

"Maybe another time we can talk about this, okay sweetheart?" She rolls her eyes at me, before flipping her body in the direction of the wall. Great.

"Talk about what?" Jared says bounding into the room, his brother and father in tow. He jumps onto his neatly made bed, which is in the far corner of the gigantic room. It's not very warm, actually kind of creepy if you ask me. The beds are old looking, and the walls are painted a bland white, with a picture of John and his brother hanging on the wall. There are few of those around this place. We have to keep the lights on before the kids go to sleep, just so they don't get to freaked out.

"Nothing baby, get into bed." Carter looks at me curiously, but I just brush it off.


	9. Adding Fuel To The Fire

**__**

Authors Note- So another chapter, I keep writing with no idea as to where I am going. So if anyone has any idea at all where they think this could go, or where they want it to go I would love to hear it. Thanks for all the reviews, I really appreciate them.

"When's Christmas?"

"Two days..." I smile at Jared whose hand clasps over his mouth in an attempt to hide his squeals of excitement.

"Then we get presents?" Jared continues. I nod my head, biting down on my bottom lip. Yup, two days then they get presents. I'm not sure what Abby has, gift wise, but I would like to contribute some. Maybe there are some things the kids wanted that she couldn't afford... I'd love to help out.

"Here we are." I announce, turning away from the roadway, to look at the big building that stands in front of us. An iron gate the size of Jordan surrounding the building.

"So this is it?" Abby asks, turning to look at me. I gauge her reaction, seeing if she remembers... She wasn't here much but there were some moments that we spent here.

"Yeah, remember?" I ask with a certain glint in my eye. She laughs a bit shaking her head at me. The kids watch us, a little oblivious to what we are talking about. I think it's best it stays that way.

"Oh yes." She smiles again, staring at the front gate. I reach over unlatching it so we can enter. Dustin said he wanted to see where I lived, I could see how the mansion would be a bit scary. So here we are, checking out my apartment. A two bedroom, not much room for all five us. But the mansion is going to be used as part of the university, so it looks as though there isn't much choice. Besides there are no scary pictures here... At least none that I know of.

I open the doors for us, showing them towards the elevator. Jordan looks around, her curls flying everywhere as she tries to take in the sights. Comparing this tiny place, with shag carpeting, and blue wallpaper, to the decorating of my late grandmother, at the mansion. While Jordan spins in circles trying her best to size up my living quarters, Dustin is already at the elevator punching both up button, and the basement level button. "Dustin, don't do that." Abby scolds, I just laugh, focusing on Jordan, who bumps into a wall. That must be her wake up call, she dashes over to her mom, grabbing for her free hand. The other one holding firmly onto Dustin. Jared putters beside me, not needing anyone to hold onto.

"This isn't that nice of a building." Jordan sighs, shaking her head, apparently disappointed that my apartment building isn't nicer.

"Jordy." Abby sighs, "not everyone's house is going to be quite as-" She looks for the word to complete her sentence.

"Posh?" Jordan offers. Where did she learn the word posh?

"yes, posh... Now get in the elevator." Jordan sighs and walks into the elevator, the rest of us follow, waiting patiently for the doors to close. I reach over and push my floor number, Dustin catches sight of me doing this and his face lights up.

"Don't you dare Dustin John, if you touch any of those buttons I am going to make sure you are just eating vegetables for the next month." He jumps up shoving his hands into his pockets, playing innocent. I smile at the name. Dustin _John_. Maybe she was thinking about me... Even if it was just a little. I look down at Jared who is smiling up at me, I take his hand in mine, liking having my kids close.

I haven't gotten the chance to spend time with the kids alone yet. Not that I haven't wanted too. It would be great to get to know them better, just us, but I think Abby is a bit apprehensive about it all. She has done this all alone for five years, and I don't think she wants my help. She likes doing it like this, they have a routine, that I am trying my best to become part of. It's been hard, but I think slowly they are trusting me. They don't call me dad, not yet at least. I think it will be the greatest day of my life when they do. It will be them making a choice, them wanting me to be a part of their lives. Be their father. Not just biologically, but their actual father. The one who does all the dirty work, like clean up vomit, and soiled sheets. The guy who wipes their tear stained cheeks, and bandages up their bleeding knees. Who they come to for help, guidance. I want to be that guy for my kids.

The elevator doors open letting us out into the hall, it looks about as bad as the downstairs. I lead the group to my apartment, shoving the key into the lock. Jared wait impatiently, crossing his legs then uncrossing his legs again. He tugs on my coat. "I have to pee." He sighs, scrunching his face into a pained ball.

"Okay, there you go." Popping the door open he runs through the apartment in search of a bathroom, I'm thinking at this point he'll go in my sink if need be. "Right there." I shout pointing to the room at the back of the apartment. Kids, one minute he was fine the next he was in a washroom frenzy.

Jordan walks into the apartment, doing a thorough inspection. Looking my pale blue walls from top to bottom, she seems to dub them okay, before heading into the family room where a couch, a chair and the television are.

"Just like I remember it." Abby sighs somewhat wistfully? I watch her for a second, as she runs her fingers over a picture that I have set out, one of us. I didn't keep many of those, but I loved that one. It was simple just us at work smiling. We practically lived there when we weren't at her apartment. Dustin has run off to watch some television and wait for us to do the rounds, before taking them to McDonalds.

"So we're going to have to stay here... I got a call and they need the house ASAP, something about students coming to work here over the holidays..." She nods while she continues to look around.

"Are you going to keep it?" I look at her a bit puzzled, she turns from fingering my plant. "The apartment, are you going to keep it? Cause you know when the kids come to stay with you, you are going to need some place to keep them. And that linen closet won't do." She smiles. I guess I hadn't thought of that.

"I guess you're right, but it will get lonely in a big place with all those rooms without them." She looks at me a bit sceptical. "I mean, if I have those three extra bedrooms, and only have them for a few weeks a year... I'm really going to miss them. But you're right this isn't a place to have kids."

"It's just for now John. I want them to get to know you better before they start spending all their time here." She turns to look at me.

"How are they suppose to get to know me if you never let them spend time alone just us?" I sigh throwing my hand to the side.

"I just-" She shakes her head a bit. She just what? Doesn't trust me? Doesn't think the kids are safe with me? Because I would never let anything happen to them, never ever.

"Abby, I love these kids." I bring my hands to her shoulders trying to reassure her how much those three children mean to me. She nods her head, hands coming to her face pushing those stray hairs out of her eyes.

"I know John. But it's more than that. It's- it is parenting... Okay... I thought I was going to be horrible at this, but we've gotten into a routine..." She shakes her head, I pull my hands from her shoulders, putting them into my pockets. A little annoyed I glare at her.

"So you think I'm going to screw them up?" I ask a little confused. How could she think that? She knows me, she knows how much I've always wanted kids, how much I would love any child of mine, I just want the best for them. And I'd do my best, I wouldn't put them in any physical, or emotional danger. I wouldn't do anything that I didn't think would be okay. I know I haven't been doing this for as long as she has, but I think I can learn, I think I've done okay so far. Not that she has given me much of a chance.

"No." She says through gritted teeth. "It goes beyond that. I don't want them to be uncomfortable with you, I don't want you to be uncomfortable with them, or think you have to spoil them to get their affection, and love. 'Cause you don't."

"Look Abby, I may not have all the experience you do. But I know that I love them, and at this point in time I want what's best for them. I want to be the best parent I can be. But how am I suppose to do that if I can't see them?" I throw my hands into the air shaking my head.

"Can we not do this here?" She pleads, I look into the next room, where the kids are watching television, they haven't heard us. At least not yet.

"Fine. Just let me have them tomorrow." I beg, she doesn't seem to be biting and shakes her head no. She tries to walk away, heading towards the living room where the kids are sprawled out in front of the television. I grab her arm in an attempt to stop her. "Please." I whisper, my lips near her ear, our bodies touching.

"John- Let's just see how things go..." Our eyes meet for a single second.

"I know how things will go. You'll end up taking my kids away from me. Just like you do five and a half years ago, and just like you'll continue to do." I let her go, leaving her alone to go visit with my kids while I have them.

"Dr. Carter." Jordan smiles at me.

"Hey kiddo." I sit down next to her and she continues to watch me intensely, and I'm not quite sure why. Her little hand finds my leg and soon she's sitting in my lap, off of the hard floor. I smile to myself, maybe things aren't as bad as I think...


	10. That Spark

**__**

Authors Note- I decided I should probably finish this story, because I started it, and I like to finish what I started, so here it is. The next chapter. It's short and crappy, but I think it kind of starts the rest of the story. This story will probably be another 5- 10 chapters long, it all depends on how I am feeling and how interested I am in this. Because at the moment I'm not all that interested in it. I will complete it though. I plan to finish my other stories too. So anyways thanks for all the reviews, here's the next chapter:)

"No, no, no... Jared is the one who loves cars." I correct, shoving another toy under the crooked and oddly decorated tree. I guess that's what happens when you open a box of ornaments, for five year olds, and let them have their way with everything.

"Oh... I figured it was one of the boys who wanted all this car stuff." He sighs looking down at another package and wrapping it. Ah Jared. He wants to be an auto mechanic, he has had an obsession with cars since I can remember. All I have done is feed it. Buying him as much car related stuff as possible, taking him to look in car dealerships, he even became friends with my mechanic, who taught him a thing or two about cars.

"Jordan isn't exactly a fan of cars. Or boy stuff at all. She's very girly." I explain, sitting down next to him on the couch. I look around the apartment. It's smaller than the mansion, a hell of a lot smaller than the mansion. I like it. It's quaint. Nice. A little cozy for five people, but that's okay. We brought a bunk bed, and a mattress from the mansion and put them in the triplets room. I tried to make it as homey as possible. Carter said he'd paint it for them if they wanted. They wanted.

"Yeah I was noticing that. Then I wondered who she got it from." He shoots me a playful look that I can't help but roll my eyes at then swat at his arm. His chuckles, tossing me a gift to wrap.

"I think that's one thing she got from you." He mocks being hurt and I laugh at him, and his poor acting.

Things have been going okay. We had that one fight earlier today, but since then we have managed to carry on conversations and actually get along. I kind of missed his company. The way he smiles at me, the way he looks at me. Everything. With every passing moment we seem to get more and more comfortable with each other. Like we use to be. Before everything went sour, when he could still stand to be around me. When bitterness didn't fill the air. For tonight the bitterness has mixed in the with the dust mites on the floor and given us a moment of peace. A well deserved one. After battling the kids into bed, and negotiating the number of bed time stories, I think we deserve to relax. And sitting here with him wrapping Christmas presents, well, it's pretty nice. We don't have too much for them yet, but we have some stuff. I brought things from home that I had bought there, and tomorrow I'm going Christmas shopping. Leaving Carter alone with the kids. I'm still a little on edge about it. My nerves are eating me alive just thinking about it. But I have to let him do it. I owe it to him. Besides I think he'll be fine. It's only for a few hours and I can always have Susan stalk them if need be.

"Today was... nice." Carter says sincerely, looking me in the eye. He looks at me with such intensity that I have to look away.

"Yeah, I agree it was nice. You know, when we weren't fighting." He laughs a little. "Look, I just want you to know, that I am not going to keep your kids from you anymore, I want them to know their father... Because they have a pretty great one. I was just afraid, and I'm sorry. Truly sorry."

He nods clearing his throat. The mood has suddenly changed to one more serious. I watch as he looks up at me, obviously embarrassed at bit. "Yeah well, I'm a little nervous about staying with them tomorrow, I won't lie. But I'm excited, I really- I really love them." He's beaming. "I know I'll screw up, but I love them more than they will ever know-"

"And that's what counts." My voice just above a whisper.

"Yeah." Our eyes lock, suddenly I don't resent him as much as I once did. He made mistakes, I made mistakes, but now everything has changed, everything is different- better. Newer. Like we have started over erased our past. Our faces move closer together, I can feel his breath on my lips.

"Mommy-" I turn my head to the side so quickly, I think I have whip lash.

"Yes-" I squeak, "Yes, Jared." Carter pulls a blanket over the presents, and I rush over to my son. His hair is a mess and his eyes glossy from sleep.

"I need some water." He croaks, he puts his hand on my shoulder as I carry him over to the kitchen. I pour him a glass of water, and he starts to drink it. I look over my shoulder, my eyes meeting Carters, I pull away from his gaze as quickly as possible, thankful that Jared walked in. That was not something that needed to happen. Not tonight, not ever. We're in the past. We can't go back to that. We have three little children to worry about now. It's not about us anymore, it's about them and what would be best. Sure having your parents together is every kids dream... But not like this, not when all they have done is fight then in a moment of weakness they succumb to each other and their need for sex and end up making a horrible mistake, and making everything that much more awkward.

"Done." Jared pushes the cup into my hand, and I set it down on the counter top, walking him back into his bedroom. I tuck him in, and check on the other two making sure they are alright.

"They asleep?" Carter asks once I've reappeared.

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna call it a night." I bite down on my bottom lip, my eyes fixed on the floor.

"Okay-" I gaze up briefly noticing that he doesn't look up from his wrapping, his jaw set in an upset frown. I sigh then turn towards his bedroom. He offered to take the couch and I am in his room, closer to the triplets. I hear him sigh loudly as I close the door behind me. I lean my head against the wooden door, damn it.


End file.
